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Caravanitus Fanaticus


Alan Stanley
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Help !

 

in this new world of pandemics and virus I have to report that I have become aware of a far more dangerous infection.

 

Like all these things it has been staring us in the face for decades.  I have registered the name in its latin form ‘Caravanitus fanaticus’

 

I am suffering from it I now.  As friends will tell you we are not the most tidy or house proud, life is too short for that sort of thing and I can’t afford to pay someone else.

 

I realised the true horror of the situation this morning when cleaning the inside of the van to go away.  Why was I cleaning it ?  It was already far cleaner than our home.  Positively gleaming and yet I was beavering away with hoover and duster.  The slightest smudge of a fingerprint was a personal affront.  A spec of dust attracted my eye like a magnet.  Even the unseen edges had to pass the white glove test.  Everything in its allotted storage, check lists ticked and re-checked.  A CSI team could not find a trace of DNA anywhere.

 

My car is not like this.  My workshop certainly not, I know where everything is but it looks like a bomb has just gone off most of the time.  The garden sheds, the Log cabin, everything has the ‘lived in’ look.  But not the van, at the start it has to be pristine.  Whilst away it has to be tidy and is cleaned and cleaned again.  One can wake up in a cold sweat just thinking about not having dusted that day.  It’s awful.

 

Can anyone suggest a good therapist

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I should have a lie down if I were you.   In fact I'm going to report you, do you know how infections multiply, let me tell you, by congregating, because that is one of the symptoms. As for all the cleaning, all that you are doing is moving the dust from one place to another, I'll report you for that as well. 

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I’m surprised its taken you so long to realise this.

I have known since our very first caravan in the early 80’s that the van is more important than anything else!

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Look out everyone! Alan has become MIROlogically disturbed. 

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57 minutes ago, joanie said:

I should have a lie down if I were you.   In fact I'm going to report you, do you know how infections multiply, let me tell you, by congregating, because that is one of the symptoms. As for all the cleaning, all that you are doing is moving the dust from one place to another, I'll report you for that as well. 

Can I add that he should lie down in the Caravan, I think that would be the best thing to do under the circumstances.

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38 minutes ago, hp100425ev said:

I’m surprised its taken you so long to realise this.

I have known since our very first caravan in the early 80’s that the van is more important than anything else!

Are you are Rehabilitational?

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8 minutes ago, Ern said:

Look out everyone! Alan has become MIROlogically disturbed. 

Been disturbed for years. 

 

Thinking back it probably started when my Father built our first van with me assisting (probably getting in the way) back in 1960/61.

 

He has a lot to answer for.

 

Edited by Alan Stanley
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I can certainly relate to this.  My office, garage, sock drawer etc, etc are places of disorganised randomness.  The caravan however remains spotless......  I actually think it's because I see the caravan as my escape from the stress of work/horrors of real life and as such I regard it as some sort of stress-relieving temple!

2018 Volvo V90 and 2018 Swift Sprite Quattro EB

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In my case, because of the wrath of SWMBO if it is not pristine. I cab get away with the garage being untidy as that is my domain except for the items she does not know what to do with, and so says put them in the garage. 

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My name is Richard and I have to tell the group that I am a sufferer from this condition, and because I too am wildly untidy and disorganised in the house/garden/garage/anything else I lay my hands on, it's ...(sob)... all my own responsibility that I've come to this.

It's such a relief to know I'm not alone here.

And I find GaryB1969's words resonate strongly.

 

////

In fairness,  our 'van needs some serious cosmetic and other work inside, and it's been around a bit, so it'll never look pristine, but it is great to go away with it as clean and decent as it can be.
But there's hope, as once we are away on a trip the most it gets is a cold water brushing if too much mud and sheep muck has sprayed up over the front.
What a great thread!

 

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On 07/12/2021 at 13:11, Alan Stanley said:

 

Can anyone suggest a good therapist

 

 

Yes............

 

Jim Beam, or Jack Daniels ;)

 

Experience is something you acquire after you have an urgent need for it.

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I have been contacted by the World Health Organisation this morning.  It is spreading, well to be truthful they admit it's been around for decades.).  Cases are being reported from very country in the world. 

 

Scientists have been beavering away for years looking for a vaccine.  Reports indicate that no matter what precautions they take they are themselves becoming infected.  Apparently someone called Jeremy Clarkson was known to be the most resistant antibody in the western world,  He was being held up and used as a control sample for resistance.  

 

Too late he has now become infected (though that is being held back from the public).  Do we also have a'Plan B' I ask myself.

 

 

 

 

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Clarkson slanging off caravanning seems to have the  opposite  of the intended effect!

I have heard it said on more than one occasion "If Clarkson hates it then it must be good"

 

The OH says that I have the caravanner's syndrome,  constantly cleaning, polishing and repairing faults straight away.

What rubbish, so I have decided to prove her wrong by knitting a pullover for it.    that'll show her.

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We keep ours clean and tidy, it gets a polish once a year. Windows done with Vuplex. It's stored under cover so doesn't get too grubby or green mould on it! It gets a wash when we bring it home if it needs it.

I don't  pitch up and spend ages cleaning it. On our longer summer trips it gets inside cleaned regularly and windows done outside  if they are too dusty!

Edited by 664DaveS
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robertB:

 

Priceless.... what style pullover  & will it have a festive thyme LOL.

 

I'd be the first, without doubt,  to claim permanent immunity! I've always worked on the well proven theory that shiny-shiny attracts sticky fingers, well that's my justification anyway & I'm holding to it.

 

For eg. It has been known for me to wash the 'van (or car) up to three times a year (mind you I have to be VERY bored), however the 'van was 18 months ago since the last time & a year before that due to covid (what a brilliant excuse & much more believable than brexit!). It only got done last week because the repair shop did it for free before collection. I hardly recognized it, as it looked like a new 'van, & I walked straight past it LOL.

 

Wife's now nagging me to polish it...................is there no end to this obsession with shiny things?

Edited by micktheshed
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I'm the same. I haven't yet got to the point of washing the outside of the caravan frequently but the inside is always tidy and looked after. Not like the house, car, shed, desk...brain....

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I used to carry quite a lot of expensive gear round for working on heritage sites, in a battered old steel camping trailer which possibly used to be a folding camper. The security guy on one place I was working was admiring it - it was a very rare one - and when I said I really should clean it up he recommended that getting it extremely weatherbeaten and grubby was in itself a security measure.
While I don't apply this to our caravan, I can see he had a point...

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14 hours ago, Richard_Y said:

I used to carry quite a lot of expensive gear round for working on heritage sites, in a battered old steel camping trailer which possibly used to be a folding camper. The security guy on one place I was working was admiring it - it was a very rare one - and when I said I really should clean it up he recommended that getting it extremely weatherbeaten and grubby was in itself a security measure.
While I don't apply this to our caravan, I can see he had a point...

This is my excuse for not cleaning either the car or the 'van (unless absolutely essential!). I've been doing it since, many years ago,  my first (& only) new car was vandalised at 2 weeks old. No trouble since so my avoidance of 'shiny, shiny' appears to work. It's the Magpie effect LOL. I also have a liking for at least one dent in any car I buy, it makes the next one so irrelevant & much less stressful.

Thieves love shiny things (& un-dented ones!), in any case I don't buy items to waste my time slavishly polishing them for others to admire, they are obtained simply to do a job. I've come across many people who think a clean vehicle is preferable to a well maintained one, can't say I agree. I put all my effort into top-class maintenance.

Edited by micktheshed
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53 minutes ago, micktheshed said:

.... I've come across many people who think a clean vehicle is preferable to a well maintained one, can't say I agree. I put all my effort into top-class maintenance.

Thoroughly agree there. I have few vehicle maintenance skills, but thanks to our lovely local backstreet garage our 04 Volvo recently sailed past its 1/4 million miles mark, and we're hoping for many more miles from it yet.

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If you want to break a habit of keeping cars clean, buy a black one…… it looks lovely after a wash & polish but an hour later I wonder why I bother!

2018 Volvo V90 and 2018 Swift Sprite Quattro EB

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Most people own a black car, just once! 

Experience is something you acquire after you have an urgent need for it.

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